Q. Whom do you ask about minhagim? I recently saw many tombstone inscriptions from Bratislava (Pressburg), and all mention the mother’s name and not the father. I’d like to know the source & origin of the minhag (I think the rationale is that in the olam harmed one must be certain, something possible only about the mother).
Pressburg was heavily influenced by the Chasam Sofer, so I wonder if he is the source?
Thank you.
A. Betzel Hachochmo (3: 91) indeed mentions that in Pressburg and adjacent places the minhag is to mention the mothers name not only in the matzeivos, but also in the resulting prayers for the niftar. One reason he provides is that when praying one may want to stress the truthful and certain identity of the departed, which is stronger when related to the mother. Gesher Hachaim (1: 31: 2: 14) mentions that Sepharadim have the minhag to mention the mother’s name as opposed to Ashkenazim.
Nitei Gavriel (Avelus 2: 66: 6) quotes different traditions, including those who mention both parents names (minhag Amsterdam). See also Melamed Lehoil (1: 23) an Otzar Hayedios (37).
Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion reflecting other Poskim, is that one should follow the minhogim of his family and community.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller Shlit’a