Q. I have a question that was posed to me during a discussion with an acquaintance who is Jewish but a self proclaimed atheist and leftist. He managed to bring up the issue of gay marriage in Israel and asked this:

“we routinely marry sabbath-breakers in Orthodox synagogues. We marry people who openly and brazenly eat on yom kippur and eat hametz on pesach and eat cream-drenched pork dishes in public. Where’s the outrage?

Seems odd to me (actually, totally predictable, really) that the taboo against gay people persists, while we openly tolerate sabbath-breakers, adulterers, parent-cursers, linen/wool mixers, and all kinds of other people who commit biblical abominations on a daily basis.”

I wasn’t quite sure how to answer him.

A. – On a recent question (257 on this forum) regarding a similar situation we wrote; Many Poskim maintain that there is no prohibition on arranging, helping or being mesader kidushin (performing the wedding ceremony) of a couple that does not observe taharas hamishpacha (family purity laws). Many require that the couple should commit to at least go once, prior to the marriage to the mikvah. (Minchas Yitzchok 1,10 – Chelkas Yaakov 1, 23 – Sridey Eish 2, 57 and 3, 28 – Hapardes year 13 vol. 5,7, 11 and year 23 vol.1 – Hilel Oimer Y.D. 67 – Hashavit Y.D. p.167.

The same would apply to “people who openly and brazenly eat on Yom Kippur and eat chametz on Pesach and eat cream-drenched pork dishes in public”, as performing their marriage ceremony is unrelated to their violations and does not directly involve placing a stumbling block before the blind (the prohibition of lifney Iver – Vaykro 19:14) or assisting them in doing something prohibited.

The same clearly cannot be said on gay or same sex marriages as in the eyes of Halacha that nuptial union does not exist and the intimacy itself is severely prohibited.

However if a person who suspects he/she has gay or lesbian tendencies and resolves to enter into a normal heterosexual marriage, he/she must inform their prospective spouse of their suspected condition, at the time their courtship becomes viable. It is essential at the very onset they consult the guidance of a competent Rabbi as all cases differ from one another.

Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller Shlit”a