Q. If someone wants to honor a close family member the highest honor possible at a wedding, what is considered according to CHAZAL a bigger honor, is it a Brocha at the Chupa or is it leading the Benching at the Seuda of the wedding?

A. Imparting honors is a very relative and subjective art. What is considered kovod or not, is in the eyes of the beholder. Tosafos (Kidushin 31b in the name of the Yerushalmi) relates that Rabi Yishmoel’s mother would regularly wash her son’s feet and then drink the water. When Rabi Yishmoel became aware, he refused to let her continue, she then complained to the sages, saying that her son does not comply with the mitzvah of honoring her. The sages demanded he explain and he enlighten them as to why he refused. The sages ordered him to let her continue washing his feet and drinking the water as this is the way to honor her.

Sichoson Shel Avdei Avos (p. 199) narrates that when Rav Shimon Sofer Zt”l, moved from Matersdorf to become Rov of Krakow he was surprised that the reading of the t’noim was not an honor in his former position and was delegated to the shamesh, while in his new congregation it was considered the greatest of kivudim and given to the Moro Deasro. (See also Arichas Hashulchan p. 46 in regards to aliyos to the Torah)

Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit”a opinion is that in this instance, the giving the highest honor would entitle what people normally consider an uppermost honor and it would be a brocho under the chupa.

Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller Shlit”a