– Q. Honorable Rabbi. As you know, we are planing to do the wedding of our first child and I heard that there is a tradition to invite the Neshamot of our forefathers, grandparents by visiting the Kevarim where they are buried. I’ve heard that some even bring the wedding invitation and place it by the Matzeiva. Is that correct?

A. On a similar question (1767) we wrote:
“It is said that ancestors are present at the weddings of their descendants. Is there a source for this tradition?
Which are the ancestors that come and do they need an invitation?

A. Osrei Lagefen (p. 143) mentions that the neshamos of the ancestors arrive at the time the brochos under the chupa begin. He adds that the candles lit during the ceremony may be alike the neros neshama lit on days of remembrance in the honor of the neshamos.

Nitei Gavriel (Nissuin 1 p. 20) quotes that the neshamos of the children yet to be born from the couple are also present, and that is the source for the emotion and tears of the chassan and kalla.
He adds (ibid. p. 55) that a week before the wedding it is tradition that the chosson and kalla, as well as their close families, visit the kevarim of their forefathers up to invite them to come to the wedding.

He quotes as the source for the visit of those neshamos the Zohar (Parshas Balak and Pinchas), and up to three prior generations come to the chupa. (ibid. n. 14).
Yalkut Yosef (Chupa Vekiddushin 1: 3: n. 1767 Guests Of Honor7), explains that one of the reasons of mechilas avonnos and the forgiving of sins at the chupa, is to honor those visiting neshamos of the forefathers, so they should not be embarrassed by the sins of their children and descendants.

Konnanto Meoz (Beitza p. 71) mentions that this is the source that some communities have to recite a brocho on bessamim and spices under the chupa, similar to havdala for the departing neshama yiseira, that visited us on Shabbos. He also mentions that in some communities they would place an additional chupa for the visiting neshamot.”

Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that one should maintain the pesonal family traditions.

Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit’a.