Q. At the recent Bar Mitzva of my son, I invited the Menahel (director) of the Yeshiva to say a few words. It was a very insulting experience for the whole family and especially for my son. The Menahel gave him a brocho that he should from now on come on time and not waste so much time playing around. He also told in his speech that he hopes he gets from now on better grades. That speech was more a curse than a blessing.
As others usually do, besides thanking. I also give to the Rabbi speaking at my Simches a gift and I presume he is expecting it.
Do I have to even say thank you to him after such an insulting act?
A. Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that it is very likely that there are more issues than what was mentioned in your shaila and the intention of the Menahel was meant well, to turn the deficiencies into blessings.
The Rov recommended that a careful listening of the recording of the speech which is likely available, should be done by an independent Rov familiar with the situation before reaching any decision or recommendation, in order to maintain Sholom and necessary good feelings for all.
Horav Aharon Miller Shlit’a stressed that often words of Musar are the best and most necessary Brocho, and the father should be ‘Dan Lekaf Zechus,’ or judge the situation in a positive way.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as advised by Horav Shlomo Miller and Horav Aharon Miller Shlit’a.